As parents we have many jobs. There are the obvious ones like providing them a safe place to live, feeding and nourishing them, clothing them, and loving them. Sure there are kids out there that don’t even have these basic needs met but I think we can all agree this list is pretty accurate of a child’s basic needs. But what about the more complex needs? What about the needs that produce self-sufficient members of society?
I often wonder if I shelter my children to much and probably by today’s standards I am more strict than most parents. I see kids walking around our neighborhood at 9 and 10 o’clock at night. This really bothers me. I would never let my young kids wonder the neighborhood that late at night. Am I too strict? Am I not allowing my children enough freedom? Maybe so, but I don’t think I am going to change my mind.
As the mother of 4 children, I see a lot of kids come and go from our house, which is great because if the whole neighborhood is at my house, I know where and what my children are doing. I want to be the cool house that all of the kids go to. The money that I spend on snacks and sodas will be well worth it.
With all these kids that come and go it amazes me that most of these children do not do daily chores. Their parents do everything for them. It also amazes me that these kids also get an allowance for things that I would consider being a contribution to the family. Really? I do not give my kids an allowance.
I give my children chores because I want them to be self-sufficient members of society when they leave my home. I want them to be able to know how to do laundry, wash a dish, prepare a meal, and live in a filth free house. If I do not teach them this, how else would they know?
Since my children were walking, they have all had age appropriate chores. Destiny, our 14 year old, cleans the kitchen after every meal. Ethan, who is 10, is responsible for the trash and recycles. Amber, our 9 year old, gathers and sorts the laundry and Anah, who is 6, sets and cleans the table after every meal. They all take turns helping me in the kitchen and Ethan helps me with the yard work since dad is allergic to grass.
As my children have grown, their responsibilities have increased more and more. Am I wrong for making my kids pitch in? I don’t think so. What is your opinion on children doing work around the house and should they be paid for doing said work?
Sandy
Stay tuned for more as I chronicle my journey from extreme poverty and abuse to my new life of love and happiness.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
I think you are absolutely correct to expect your children to contribute towards keeping the family running. My husband and I struggle with my 12 yo stepson. He has been taught that he should have everything handed to him, that things can always be replaced (i.e. he doesn’t have to take care of his things) and that he shouldn’t have to do anything or if he does, then he should get paid. NO! He has basic chores that are just b/c you are part of the family – feed the dog, take out the trash, etc. Then there are “extras” for which he gets an allowance IF he does them. When he doesn’t do them, we don’t cry and plead but he doesn’t get paid a cent. It’s SLOWLY starting to sink in. You are so right to have started early with your children. As the saying goes, “you can’t teach an old dog new tricks!”
I also want to say that I just found your blog and WOW. You are so brave to share your story. I too grew up in delapidated housing, sometimes no water/heat/electricity/etc. It’s tough and most people do not understand. They think when I say I was poor growing up that it means I didn’t have cable TV. NO, it means I frequently needed food and shoes among other things. Anyhow, my hat is off to you. You have broken the abuse cycle by not marrying an abuser (so many people whose mother’s were abused end up in their own abusive relationships – sad) and you are a nurturing mother who watches out for her children’s best interests. I am happy for you and oh so grateful that I too found my Prince Charming and was able to break free from poverty to find love and happiness. Hang in there!!!
I recently came across your blogs and relate so much to your childhood! So happy for you that you came through all of your hardships as a child. I am a mom of 2 and going on 9 years of a happy marriage. Reading your blogs helps me to not only relive my beginning but to feel like i am not alone….. Thank you
Tonya,
It was my pleasure. You are not alone. Many do not know what it is like to live in extreme poverty and abuse. We are just something that the “normal” people see on t.v. I am glad I could help.
Suzanne,
Just keep working with your stepson. It is especially hard when you are the step-parent. I think you are doing the right thing .
You are correct. Most people do not know what is like to live without the basic necessities. I am glad that you too have broken the cycle.
Thanks for the encouraging words…
Sandy