Stay At Home Mom

The job title of stay at home mom is a very different one for me . Since the age of 15, I have had a job. Granted, said jobs were not scientifically ground breaking but it was a job in which I felt I was contributing to the family financially.  That has come to a screeching halt.

My health is the main reason that I do not work any longer. The other reason being my children are in their teens or approaching their teens and we feel that this is a time in their times when the children need us the most.  Now my children do not have to share my time with an employer.

My new job as stay at home mom is the best job I have ever had. I love being home when my children get off the bus. I love preparing meals every evening and I love being more involved in my children’s  education. I get to be with them completely.  I know that I am fortunate to have such a gift. I know there are many parents that would love be able to stay at home with their children.  For this I know I am blessed.

All of my adult life I have had a job that has contributed to our families financial needs. Now I do not have a “paying” job.  Since I am no longer on the payroll we have had to make some sacrifices. By no means are we hungry nor do we do without the necessities but their are no more luxuries.  Because I had to grow up meagerly, I have always been “thrifty”.  I have always clipped coupons, bought nothing unless it was on sale or better yet clearance, and avoided wastefulness at all cost. The skills of being frugal that I learned growing up are now really coming in handy.

With every change their comes turmoil. My husband has always been the one who oversees the budget,  pays the bills, and balances the checkbook. Mostly because his math skills are way better than mine. To be honest with you, I didn’t even know how much money I earned on my paycheck or when payday was. My earnings were automatically deposited into our checking account and that was that. I never knew and still don’t know if there is $10 or $10 million dollars in our checking account. I am pretty confident it is not the latter.  I pretty much bought what I wanted when I wanted it, within reason, and I handed the receipts over to my DH. We also consulted each other on large purchases and there was no problem.

As a working person I did not have a problem with treating myself to a pedicure once or twice a year or purchasing a new pair of shoes. I  love cosemetics, purses, shoes, jewelery, and clothes.  When I was working I didn’t have a problem buying these things.  Now, I feel like a prisoner. I feel like every decision is being made for me and I hate it.

Because of medical reasons I have not been able to drive for the past 5 months. I have had to depend on my husband  for everything.  He is a busy man so I have to go through him to go or do anything.  It has been five days since I have left my house.  Now add that to that fact that I fell like I have to ask permission to buy a Coke. Now don’t take this the wrong way, my husband is the kindest most loving man on this planet. He is not one of those controlling possessive types.  I  just don’t earn any money so I fell like I don’t have the freedom as I use the money we do have.  I am not dealing with this well at all.

So now that I am a stay at home mom do I stop wearing cosmetics? Do I stop getting my hair done?   Before I felt as though I deserved those things because I worked hard. In fact, I had two jobs. I did all of household task plus worked.

I feel that each person in the relationship needs to have money that they don’t have to be accountable to the other person for. It could be $5 or $500, whatever the budget allows.  I am just not sure how to accomplish this. Before it wasn’t a big deal, now it seems to be a huge issue. I feel like I am asking Daddy for an allowance.  I feel like everything that I want or need is a luxary and I don’t have a right to ask for anything. It sounds crazy even as I write this, but it is how I feel.

Here’s a perfect example: A couple of weeks ago my DH handed me $40. For days, I sat and pondered what I should do with the money. Should I spend it on the long sleeve tops that I need since the weather is getting cooler or should I spend it on a hair cut? Should I spend it to get my eye brows waxed or maybe some new makeup or lunch out with a friend?  This decision kept me up at night. I did not know what expenses of mine this $4o was to cover. So I sent the money to the relatives of a friend that just passed away to help with her burial expenses.

So here is my question to you: How do you other SAHMs  and SAHDs do it? How do you maintain your independence when your whole lives are in the hands of someone else? How do you not resent your partner?  How do you handle your financial freedom?